Motherhood

Another post which I just feel like posting. The possibility of me writing my diary and blog had been gradually decreasing. Sad. I know. Due to the packed time schedule thus this habit has just ~poff~ gone. (nope, basically, I lack of effective time management)
Enough of such mumbo-jumbo, let's get back to my post title.

What about it? I'm going to be a mother soon! Can you imagine that?! Me duplicating a child that may look exactly like me!
Nah, I was just pulling your leg. How could I possibly be pregnant when I'm not even married (I haven't even got my engagement ring). Of course, you would say it's surely possible if I had intercourse. With that, I'm committing an offensive crime (sin) to God. Don't wish that to happen.

Sorry for sidetracking, it's just that Mother's Day is around the corner and I would like to post something about this particular woman who is tenacious, noble and sagacious. She is my mother. After I past my adolescent years, I came to discover that a mother loses nearly everything for her offspring. She loses her beauty/ youth, her free time, her health, her dignity just for her beloved child/ children. Mother's love is the greatest gift from God. Through her, I am able to comprehend and grasp what true love is.
Recently, this issue of whether I would like to have children or not in the future kept bothering me. My boyfriend and I had discussed over this issue a few times.
He wants to have children. Me, on the other hand, still find it difficult to decide.
It's not like we're getting married any sooner but I believe once you've been in a relationship for quite some times, you would talk about topic as such. (mostly related to after marriage)
Babies are adorable, children are exuberant but when they reach teenagers, they may be rebellious. That's what terrified me the most. And it can be very hurtful for a mother to see her child leaving God. Probably, that's the reason why I'm still unable to decide....
After all, there are still years ahead before we get married. My perceptions in having children may change by then. Maybe I'm just too young to think about children now.

A short passage from Amy Tan in Saving The Fish From Drowning (just adore her writing):
"A mother is the one who fills your heart in the first place. She teaches you the nature of happiness: what is the right amount, what is too much, and the kind that makes you want more of what of what is bad for you. A mother helps her baby flex her first feelings of pleasure. She teaches her when to later exercise restraint, or to take squealing joy in recognizing the fluttering leaves of the ginkgo tree, to sense a quieter but more profound satisfaction in changing upon an everlasting pine. A mother enables you to realize that there are different levels of beauty, and therein lie the sources of pleasure, some of which are popular and ordinary, and thus of brief value, and others of which are difficult and rare, and hence worth pursuing."